I wanted to get in at least one more good update in before I come home and before I'm all way-out-of-whack emotional. Now, I'm only kinda emotional. [sigh]

For the past couple days, I've been pretty out of it... This whole goodbye thing is even harder this time. Because I don't know when I'll be back. Last time I knew that it was only going to be 6 months. This time I don't have that thought. And even though I love so many people here, I don't know when I'll be back. I want to do something else.

Today was an interesting day. I woke up in Ngallèle after a nice night with the fam. I went to chat with Adjou for awhile, and then Georges came to pick me up to take me to see his farm in Bango. It was really nice to see what he's been up to. He's applying this product to a few different plants that this company is growing. It's a special pesticide (that has a very secret formula that's not yet patented...) that kills all nematodes or something like that, but it's natural, so it's not harmful to the environment. They've had significant production with it, and as it's only still in its trial phase, Georges is ecstatic with the results. There are already a lot of other buyers that are interested.

I got into work around 12pm (a lot later than usual), and I was in charge of the health room like I've been more and more lately. It's fun to be there, but also it's really hard. It's testing me in different ways. The other day, Seydou, one of the squirreliest 10-year-old boys (who thinks he's big stuff) came in with a big open wound on his head from a fight he got into with another boy on the street. I cleaned him up and all, and when I put the medication on, he started drawing deep breaths and then the tears started rolling and then the actually starting squirming and crying. It physically hurt to have to do that to him. Even though I knew I was helping. (Not following through with that fleeting passion for pediatrics was a very good decision.) He came in again today, looked at me and said, "Danga sokhol." You're mean. I replied that if I were mean, I would just let him there and not actually do anything to try to help. No tears today, just sharp breaths of pain.

Anna dragged me to have lunch with her. (She's my coworker that was told to stop working. She has since been let back on the team.) She's been getting on my nerves so much. SO MUCH. I don't like the way I act around her. I'm really short and frank with her because I frankly can't stand it anymore. She's so negative and everything always has to become a story with her. In any case, I tried to do some damage control today by going to lunch at her house. I know it's because she cares, but she's just waaaay too overbearing. There are three little kids that spend the day at her family's house. They are adorable. They refer to me as the tickle monster... because we chat for awhile, and then to make them smile, we have tickle fights.

I don't like the way her family talks to children. Anna was yelling at the little girl (she's 4). I understood what she was saying, but I didn't know the context or what had happened for her to deserve this tongue-lashing. "She's just an awful child. She doesn't respect her elders and is completely impolite and rotten." Anna, she's 4. What happened? "See, there was an orange that was apparently hers and I ate it and she told her mom." ... It's like I was waiting for a punchline that never came. "Anna, you ate her orange." "Well, yes, but she shouldn't have told on me." "Right, but you ate her orange. And she's 4. Of course she's going to tell. Because she's 4. And it was her orange." The way she talks to children makes me hurt. There were a few times today that I told her to leave them alone. She's so harsh. And I don't think that's ever the way to treat children.

I went back to work, chatted with some coworkers for awhile, and then got back to work on a few technology things that my boss wanted me to do. Went to buy some touristy things, and then came back to chat with Lamine and Yakham for awhile. And then I got to chat with Lala. Which I haven't really done since I've been here. Sad. I wish I would've spent more time with her. Because I really don't have much time left to do that. I like her a lot.

Tonight I went out with Georges (Kenyan) and his friend Hubert (Senegalese), and it was a great time. I didn't really go out much here because everyone that I'm close to (other than Georges) is Muslim. We went to a, to me, very Western "bar" and had brochettes (meat on a plate with some lettuce, tomatos, and onions on the side) and red wine. This is basically an entire meal of things that I haven't consumed in a really long time. I ate more meat tonight than I have in the past 3 months combined. It was good, but it would've been even better had there just been a lot of vegetables... And I also had a half a glass of wine because Georges wanted to celebrate his great success in business for the day... and I definitely didn't need any more than that... And it was really nice. I haven't been out at all. I'm really going to miss Georges, too. But he's someone I know will always be in my life. And that makes me happy.

Something that makes me happy is the number of different names I have here. (1) A friend of Lamine's, Kader, who I love, has taken to calling me Majosi, the Wolof term for atheist. I'm in his phone as Majosi, not Stephanie. There are actually a few people who call me that now. (2) Yakham has taken to calling me Steve, obviously the diminuitive of Stephanie. (3) Bouba calls me Thiebou Gueji (player). That's my name in his phone. (4) Goudiaby calls me Tofto. (5) I introduced myself to someone in some store that I was in, and now I always say "Eh-Stephanie"... because that's how everyone says my name. He actually asked, "Stephanie? Or Eh-Stephanie?" (6) My bosses call me "l'Américaine" or "Tofte". It's these little things that I'm really going to miss.

And I'm getting more and more convinced that these people will always be a part of my life. I really do know that whenever I come back, I will always have many different families to be with. Alhamdoulilahi.

Seriously. Goodbyes are so hard. Part of me just wishes I could skip the next four days of my life and [poof] be back in America. And then part of me still wishes I had 6 days left here to properly say goodbye. But then I realize that there are no proper goodbyes. I told Kader that I was going to be really sad. "No, you can't be sad. Everything in life has it's pair. Sun and moon. Night and day. Up and down. High and low. Arrival and departure. Departure and re-arrival." And I like that. It really is "au revoir", until we see each other again.

[sigh] I feel like I still have so much left to do, but that's all part of the journey, right? Yeah, thought so.