So, I love this country with all my heart, but there are some days when I'm not exactly happy with how things are going. Today has been one of the most frustrating and motivating days of my life probably.

I woke up to go to my internship! Wooo! I'm now the newest member of a team that works with underprivileged (read: unprivileged) children in Saint-Louis. I'm going to be able to help out in a French classroom. The organisation itself offers bathing, laundry, and health care facilities to mostly talibés, the small boys who fall victim to the Koranic education system in the area. That's about all I know... more on the actual organisation later.

I'd been told that things weren't going to work out the day that I'd gone, so I'd have to go back again later. So, I went back today... and the guy who welcomed me was young and fresh... looked like he'd be great with kids. We were joking around, I asked to speak to a director, that I was an American intern that was just getting started today, etc. And the moment I walk into the office, the guy that I'm going to be working for, a middle-aged devout Muslim man refuses to speak to me in French. Now, I'm getting pretty good at market wolof and greetings and trying to pry the men off, but I would /definitely/ never call myself conversational. And he just gives me this look like I'm the most incompetent human being on the face of the earth. And it's not rendered any easier by the fact that the other American worker there has been here since October and has mastered Wolof. "Why don't you speak like Megan?" Because I've only been here 2 months. "2 months? You should be able to speak better than that for having been here 2 months! What have you been doing? Nothing?" Well, actually, yes. School just started last week. These conversations are extremely demeaning. The guy asks me, in Wolof, if I can repeat back to him what he just said. And the only way I know that is through the other guy in the office who is translating for me. "/Obviously not/," I reply. Of course I can't repeat what you just said. I'm /learning/ Wolof. No, I don't have it mastered. If I came here knowing everything about Senegal, why would I have come to Senegal? I obviously have a lot to learn. He then said, again in Wolof, that I'm to work with the talibés, not do "tourisme" with them. I work with them and that's it. ??? What dose that even mean??? Do they really get people who just want to put something like this on their résumé and don't really care at all about what they're doing? I don't understand. If you're in Africa for a résumé building experience, you wouldn't have lasted this long, I promise.

After a very painful and demeaning 20 minutes of being in that situation, the younger guy took me outside to show me around a bit... and where he used to be nice and fresh and fun... now he was just being a jackass... asking why I don't speak Wolof, wondering why I would ever dream of working with kids in a foreign language, never mind that I've had a lot of experience with that... And then, just to make me feel awful, he decides it would be fun to put the toubab, who doesn't speak much Wolof, in charge of signing the kids in. Yeah. Right. That involves asking questions /and/ understanding the response... and then knowing how to spell the names of the kids. I was so frustrated... and I really almost passed out on the spot (residue from being sick, hot, and dehydrated). I was not doing well. Luckily (alhamdoulilah) there was a high school student there who was helping me with it. I wouldn't have made it without him... and I probably would've left crying and never come back. I'd finally been doing it right... asking the correct questions, engaging the kids in a language I don't speak hardly at all... and then this younger guy comes over again. "You misspelled this name." "Hey, maa ngiy goor-goorlu!" (I'm trying, here... and it's working for the most part) I said, trying to make a joke... in Wolof. "Déedéet, yaa ngiy goor-goorlu à dara," (No, you can't do anything right) he responded. And all the kids were laughing. I just don't understand what people get out of this. Why would you ever say that to someone? There's just no good reason for it. I was really frustrated.

Then I was pulled out to type up a huge report for someone... because the average typing skills here are minimal at best. So, that was fun. The guy who was dictating for me has been working with the organisation for 5 years. He's got hutspa... so hopefully he'll be fun.

The kids are so cute... and when I left at the end of the day, I was walking back to the bridge, and I ran into two of them. And recognized them! (This is pretty cool because of the sheer number of talibés that are everywhere in the city!)

It's just so frustrating when I feel like I'm treated like a second-class citizen for not speaking the language here. I'm working on it! You can only learn so quickly. Never mind that they all thought I was French. I don't know Wolof. This is basically just an accumulation of these sentiments that have been building for a long time. There is only one way to do things. There is absolutely no room for creativity.

We were talking about that a bit in my globalisation class tonight. The one factor that really separates the Occident from the rest is the ability to self-critique, the ability to think critically about one's society and to change it. When the prof said that, it really /really/ resonated with me. That's exactly what it is. There is /no/ ability to even use a different SPOON when making a specific dish. Instead, you have to drop everything you're doing to try to find the "right" spoon for this dish. USE A DIFFERENT SPOON! It functions the same way!

The issue that I'm having today is that I /really/ do love Senegal. It's a place that I plan on spending a lot of time in. I want to come back next December... and then maybe do some more teaching or something after I graduate. I /really/ do want to learn Wolof, and there are so many things that I want to do... I just don't have time for it all this time around. And because I'm just lumped into their preconceived notions of "toubabs" (read: ex-French colonialists), they don't even care and can't even see that I'm actually committed to this. AUGH.

And I'm excited to go back again tomorrow. :D